Reality Check

I feel like a fraud and I’ve got to address it.  So far, my blog, for the most part, appears as if I am shitting rainbows and butterflies.  While it is true that I grew up stuck in the back seat of a car on long road trips listening to motivational speaker Tony Robbins on tape (thanks Mom) and as a result, strive to find the silver lining in any situation, the reality is . . .I feel super overwhelmed at some point every single day.  Then I feel guilty for feeling this way because I do not have an immediate family member with a chronic illness, I live in America, I am a white, upper-middle class female with a supportive family, I have a great education and am healthy.  What the hell do I have to feel overwhelmed about?

I remind myself that it is all relative.  I remind myself of my time in Africa- when I did not know how to return to America and live this life I have been given when I knew how others were living thousands of miles away (let alone a few blocks away).  I remind myself to continue to be self-reflective.  To evaluate my weaknesses and develop plans of how I will improve.  To pat myself on the back for my successes.  To be humble.  To be empathetic.  To feel everything because what the hell else are we doing here on Earth but to “feel it all” as Feist sang?

I lose my Sicilian temper, I yell at my kids and feel bad.  I wish I could runaway sometimes or trade places with someone else I see pictures of on Facebook.  I feel guilt and regret and disappointment at my self-pity.

Pictures are worth a thousand words but we never see the full picture, do we?

So I offer you my words.  My truth.  My reality.  It’s not all rainbows and butterflies but sometimes it is, and those sure are pretty.

Orphanage in Accra, Ghana 2000



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