All of Me

All of me.  That is what you may have.  My hair, to softly touch.  My eyes, to peer into.  My nose to touch yours.  My lips, to kiss.  The span of my arms to wrap around your little body.  My breasts to feed you, my womb to hold you.  My legs to run after you.  And my heart, oh my heart is all yours.

Most days, I feel like I am drowning, barely keeping afloat.  Struggling to provide you the most rewarding childhood while still maintaining some sense of my identity outside of motherhood.  I dream of vacations away, of our life before children.  In these moments, I revel in those extraordinary moments on the beach right before the sunset, of the fresh, crisp mountain air after a long hike.  Oh, what freedom we had.  What have we done?

But if I were there, now, I would long for nothing more than your tiny little finger wrapped around mine.  Your chest rising and falling with each breath you take after falling asleep on me.   Your laugh- your sweet laughter that causes my heart to dance.  If I were there, I would ache deeply for you.

I’m lucky enough to have had both.  To have the memories of life before you and to now experience life with you.

I’m done looking back and wishing for what we had.  I’m focused on what we have yet to live.  So take my hand, follow my feet, little girl.  I am all yours.

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*Special thanks to Danielle Ice Photography (top) and Dee Akright Photography (bottom).  And to Vance Joy’s “Georgia” which I listened to on repeat while writing this!

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