Bone-tired. So tired you can’t think clearly. It’s been a long day. You’ve been looking forward to getting the kids to bed so you can finally sit down and exhale or go to bed yourself. But one of them just. won’t. go.
To add insult-to-injury, she skipped her nap and is overly-tired. She won’t let your husband put her to bed. She only wants you. You, who has been with her for the last 12 hours.
You know what she needs to go to sleep but you resist because you have nothing else to give.
And yet, you are a mother.
So you dig deep, into the reserves. Your tank is on empty, but just like your car, you know you can always push it a little further, to get there.
You hold her, rock her and lay her down in her bed. She settles her cries almost immediately as you rub her back and sing that lullaby she loves. You slow the song down, verse-by-verse, eventually removing your hand so that song is all that remains.
She’s still awake. You are still present. And that is all she needs.
To know that you are there, even when you are tired, with nothing left but your presence to give. `
You dare not move your legs, tingling from sitting in that same position for so long, until her eyes get heavy. Opening and closing, just enough to make sure of you.
You hear her quiet breathing, slowing to soft snores and you think,
I am a mother.
I always have enough for this.