A fourth labor didn’t do it.

Nor did staying-at-home with a newborn, two, four and six year old.

A gallbladder surgery 9 weeks postpartum made a dent, but not a fatal one.

An infant with a multitude of health issues and doctors appointments slowed the gears but not to a stop.

Instead, it took a crippling back injury to force me to sit-the-hell-down.

Like a derby car sustaining repeated blows, I kept going.

Like an elephant attacked by a pride of lions, I kept walking.

Until the day I couldn’t.

Until I sustained an injury that rendered me unable to use the restroom on my own.

I couldn’t believe we were facing yet another hardship when we had already endured so much.  How were we supposed to carry on when the leader of the litter was down?

10 days into my forced rest, I realized my body had given up on waiting for me to take care of myself.

It had given me a clue five weeks earlier- a little pinch in my lower back talking to me, reminding me it was there and needed attention.  But like everything else, I ignored it in the face of so many other things to do and be for my family.

Forced to sit, I watched and witnessed the circus that is my daily life and finally agreed, it was time to hire some help.

As I explained my “daily schedule” in my job posting for a nanny, I couldn’t believe I had been doing everything on my own for so long.

And I wondered, why do we often live in denial of the help we need?

Why does it take a major setback to ignite a major awakening?

What would our life look like if we made self-care a priority?

I went out kicking and screaming but I am returning, with help, full of gratitude and the hope for a more sustainable life.