It was so nonchalant. 

And as it was happening, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it coming. 

She caught me completely off guard and surprised me with a single question: 

“What are you doing for yourself?”

There I was, sitting proudly for three straight hours to cheer my three eldest daughters on for their “fun run”.  I even brought a cow bell!

The first grader at 9 AM, the third grader at 10 AM, and the fifth grader at 11 AM. 

Look at me, the Best. Parent. Ever. 

Filling in all of the holes my own mother could not.  

And yet, there it was: 

“What are you doing for yourself?”  

It was the first time I had been home alone in over ten years, after all. 

I’m always ready, but this time, I wasn’t. 

‘What am I doing for myself?’ I scrambled to think . . . . 

I eventually answered “Reading!”  which is true but if I could do it all over again, I would have said: 

“This.”

I am doing THIS for myself. 

I am HERE for my children.  

They see me, cheering them on, lap after lap. 

I was that child that was the last to be picked up from elementary school; despite the fact that my mother worked a mile away. 

And I’ve never forgotten it.

I vowed that when I became a mom, my kids would SEE how much I loved them. 

By my presence. 

That’s what I’m doing for myself. 

I’m present.