She’s been snowballing. 

It started small, with occasional snide, snarky remarks made towards her sister; but, it’s grown into a self-proclaimed hatred. 

As a parent, it’s devastating to witness. 

With eyes full of loathing, she finds any tiny infraction to criticize.

Advice encouraging her to focus on her own circle of control and to “let it go” fall upon deaf ears. 

She’s angry.

But it wasn’t until her meltdown this past week that we realized it’s not her sister she’s angry with. 

It’s us. 

“YOU LOVE HER MORE THAN ME.”

“SHE NEVER GETS IN TROUBLE.”

“YOU SPEND MORE TIME WITH HER.”

She screamed and sobbed and tore the room apart, seething in anger and despair. 

I spent the next couple of days researching sibling conflict and was reminded of what I had forgotten: the answer is time. 

Over the past several months, I’ve tried in vain to help the sisters get along- I’ve been focusing on the surface issue. 

What I failed to do was pour into my hurting daughter. 

I don’t need to help resolve their conflict. It’s just a facade. 

Instead, I embraced my angry child and asked her out to dinner. I explained dad would take her out one night, too. 

She lifted her face and genuinely smiled. 

No more problem solving. No more solutions on how to help fix “the problem”. 

Just more love.