When Multitasking Hurts

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Emma Jane at 18 Months Old

Emma nearly died twice today before 11 a.m..  Both incidents were fully preventable.  Both incidents were caused because I was distracted.

The first was at 9 a.m.  I was getting the five and three year-old ready for swim lessons and needed to grab their goggles from inside the Protect-a-Child pool fence.  Emma followed me into the backyard and fussed at the fence, wanting to get into the pool.  I quickly told her we didn’t have time and heard the gate swing shut behind me as I walked back into the sun-room, fully expecting her to follow.

Some of the items I gathered from outside were still a little wet, so instead of bringing them inside, I dropped them on the sun-porch floor and thought to look for a bag.  I heard Emma continuing to fuss in the background, which is when I turned around to see her opening the pool gate.

It had closed, but had not latched.

Had I not seen her, she would have been in that pool, drowning in the next 5 seconds.

It scared me to death.

The next incident was right around 11 a.m.  We had returned from swim lessons and a grocery trip and I started carrying the bags inside the house.  Emma loves to play in the garage with all of her yard toys and was happily distracted with her tricycle and cars.  The big girls were setting up a large blanket for our picnic.

I took one more peek at Emma in the garage before organizing lunch for the four of us, leaving the kitchen door to the garage largely cracked so I could still see her.

That’s when I heard the scream.

I ran outside, to find Emma in the middle of the street, a car stopped just in front of her.  Her older sisters helplessly standing in the grass, witnessing Emma running in the road to get the ball that had rolled down the driveway.

We live on a half-acre lot but 30 seconds was all it took for Emma to make it from the garage to the middle of the road.

I had turned my back to dish out broccoli and chicken nuggets into the plates and my baby almost died.  Again.

I feel foolish.  I feel unqualified to be a mother.  I feel angry with myself.  I feel sad for my older daughters who experienced that terror and whose screams were the only reason I knew what had happened.  I feel gratitude for the mercy God bestowed TWICE on my child today.  I feel the need to share this story, to remind others how quickly distraction can kill.

Hindsight is 20/20.  I should have double checked the pool gate like I have 1,000 other times, but today, I was in a hurry and I didn’t.

I never should have left Emma alone in the garage, even if I could see her from the kitchen, because she is 18 MONTHS OLD.  But the thought of trying to prepare lunch for the four of us while she screamed and cried at the kitchen door versus her happily playing with her toys, propelled me to make that poor decision.

I tell my girls all of the time that it just takes once to break a bone, to fall, to drown, etc.  I don’t want them living in perpetual fear but I do want them to understand that just because we got lucky once, doesn’t mean we will again.

We live in a world that enables multi-tasking.  Bluetooth capabilities to talk while driving in our car and Apple watches on our wrist to alert us of a text as we jog.  It seems there are never enough hours in a day to finish everything we want accomplished, which is why we feel proud when we are able to “kill two birds with one stone”.  But at what cost?

Today, it almost cost me the life of my youngest child.

Yesterday, distraction surely caused someone else to lose theirs.

Just a week ago, I watched a chilling video that forced me to become a less-distracted driver.  I started putting my phone out-of-sight in the car, as a result of this video but gradually, my phone has made its way back onto the middle console.

It seems ridiculous that I could be so careless, when this entire video is about how “better-than-most” is not sufficient.  The pool fence is a step-up from no fence at all, but it’s worthless if it isn’t closed.  The cracked garage door is only helpful if I keep my eye on that crack the entire time, which is impossible.

None of us is perfect, but this video and what happened to my family this morning, has been a much-needed reminder of the importance of constant-vigilance when driving and caring for children.

I’m not waiting for God to grant me any more second-chances.  I’m so grateful I didn’t have to learn these lessons the most horrible, worst-way imaginable.  I’m taking His grace and slowing down.  I hope you will, too.

The Video that Changed My Life

Faith

Written one year ago today, this is one of my very favorites. Only the beginning of the article is about childbirth- the rest is about letting go . . .

Lauren's avatarNew Leaf Parenting

It took three attempts for me to succeed in having an unmedicated childbirth.  I attended nearly 70 hours of childbirth classes before my first baby, read countless books, and spent many-a-night role-playing labor with my husband before falling asleep to my hypnobirthing CDs.  The message was clear:  LET GO.  Succumb to the pain instead of fighting it.  Relax even when your body instinctually clenches.  Unless you have been in labor, you have absolutely no idea how impossible that seems when you are experiencing gut-wrenching pain.  By the third labor, I knew what to do and my unmedicated birth was everything I had hoped it would be: raw emotion that cannot be imitated.

Unmedicated childbirth isn’t just about “proving you can do it.”  Sure, you feel proud, just as a marathon runner does after her grueling race, but at its core, unmedicated childbirth inherently embraces FAITH.  Faith in our bodies to do what…

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Harmony

Is it just me or is your mind running?

Can’t sleep, can’t stop thinking about that thing that keeps you tossing and turning.

What to do?  What to say?  How to react?

I don’t know about you, but for me, I’m always seeking peace and harmony.

And what I’ve learned is that you *cannot* control the other person or party.

You have power in your words and actions.

So I send love, peace and harmony.

And expect nothing in return.

Because it’s not about that.  It’s about what I have to give.

And at the end of the day, I choose what I receive.

Love, Peace, and Harmony.

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Camille Vaughan Photography 

 

 

Secret Garden

Waiting until the last sliver of light hits the horizon against the ocean. Sleeping in on Saturdays. Literally dancing in the moonlight on the dock of a bay.

Why on Earth would we give these things up to have children?

They don’t sleep, they cry, we lose ourselves.

We have them because they are our Secret Garden.

Sure, no one tells you how difficult nursing is when you are so focused on the birth. You tune out the laments of “teething”, “twos” and “teens”.

You focus on that tiny baby in your arms. Who grows and challenges you and rules your schedule.

Sometimes you daydream of life before children.

But then you remember your heart.

You’ve never known a love like this before.  It’s unlike any other.

And then you see your mother for the first time.

It’s like an awakening.

A Secret Garden.

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My husband, Emmett.

Hibernation

It happens, often following a tumultuous period. The retreat. The silence and solace in solitude. Time to hide and heal. Time to regroup and regain strength. Time to hibernate.

Time passes and slowly, we peek our heads out from our shells. Testing the waters, finding our groove.

Timid at first but eventually, we find the energy to overcome and return.

To the sunlight. The fresh air. The breeze. The journey.

Take your time, unapologetically, and in time, you will resurface.  Born again.

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Camille Vaughan Photography 

The Comfort of Wrinkles

I wish my mind could draw a picture for you, of the hand that is so familiar to me.  It’s feminine, thin, elderly, bony.

I asked her if my hands would look like that if I kept playing the piano and she laughed.  But here’s the secret:  I wanted them.

Those hands represented practice.  They represented wisdom.  They sounded like soulful music and felt like velvet.

Mary Brooke taught me piano for 5 years but her wisdom endures.

Age is beauty.  It is fortune.  It is wealth.

Mature hands represent years lived.  Years practiced.

Wrinkles are beautiful.  Wrinkles are comfortable.

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My inspiration, my dad! 

The Includer

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An outsider.  A wannabe.  A poser.  Me, ages 8-15.  A tattletale.  A teacher’s pet.  A follower.

They called me “mosquito bites” for my budding breasts and wrote L.D. on my shoes before I even knew what “learning disabled” meant.

I befriended some of the bullies in later years and they asked why I always brought up the past- I didn’t have an answer then but now I know.  While my past does not define me today, it shaped the person I have become: an includer.

It’s understandable why someone might rather forget the painful things that happened to them in the past; however, it is by working through these memories, we are better able to understand the lessons they have taught us.  If we focus solely on our anger, regret, or sadness, we miss the phoenix that rose from the ashes- we fail to recognize ourselves as survivors with the ability to overcome and become better because of it.

But not all of us do- it is only by conscious choice.  By remembering.  By observing our behaviors since.  How did those things affect the way we speak and act now, even subconsciously?

I didn’t have an answer for the person who teased me, then, but I have an answer now.

I bring up those painful memories because I realize that the loneliness I felt when I was in middle school is something I never want anyone else to ever feel.  I relive the tears spilled in an effort to empathize with the blackest sheep in the room.  I find some way to welcome them- some common ground.  I want them to know they are not ignored, they are noticed and they matter.  They are important to someone.

Five years out of teaching, I can now say I think that is why my students loved me.   Because I loved them.  I met them where they were and I celebrated them for who they were and wanted to become, regardless of how vastly it differed from me.

And I wouldn’t have been able to do that if it hadn’t been for my miserable formative years.

I am no longer an outsider.

I am an includer.

Never Too Late

You hear “You can be whatever you want to be!” or “There will be time for that later”, but how often do you truly believe it?  In high school we are groomed to find a college that will fit some far concept of what we “want to be when we grow up”.  And in college we are forced to choose a major at 18 years-old, as if we know what the next 70 years hold in store for us.  Once we enter the workforce, we get comfortable in our position or too fearful to leave.  We begin to invest in retirement funds and pensions.  We have loans to pay and children to raise.  So to the back-burner our dreams go . . . but does it have to be this way?

At some point, we lose sight of our heart’s true desires.  We may admire others who are pursuing it from a distance but we tell ourselves reasons why it cannot be ours.  We pacify ourselves by counting our current blessings and convincing ourselves that we don’t need those dreams to be happy.  But what if we itched that scratch?  Why are we so afraid of trying?  Why are we so afraid of change?

As someone with a fairly positive outlook on life,  I was surprised to realize the extent to which I actively shut-down my deepest dreams.  It’s not as if I can pinpoint a day I told myself “No”, rather it is the presence of a subconscious voice that constantly provides reasons why my dreams cannot be.

This “ah-ha” moment hit me within the last couple of weeks.  First, as I watched The Dave Matthews Band Listener Supported DVD.  Mesmerized as I experienced a symphony of music dancing in my ears, I couldn’t fathom how these musicians could be so in tune with one another as they improvised each and every song.  It dawned on me that they practiced.  All. The. Time.  They practiced.  They dedicated their life to what they love.

I witnessed this again as I watched The Masters on TV and reveled in Sergio Garcia’s win after decades of losing this tournament.  He kept trying and trying even as he played that 18th hole twice.  It was inspiring.

It forced me to try and remember what my dreams really are.  What did I like to play as a child?  What do I really want to do with my time left here on Earth?

I’ve always heard of age 50 referred to as “Over-the-Hill” but I’ve realized that by shifting my perspective to truly believing I’m just getting started here at 34, I have a whole lot of living left to do.  The last 34 years were just a warm up for the best that is yet to come.

So here’s my list:

  1. National Geographic Photographer
  2. Author
  3. Master Potter
  4. A Great Cook
  5. Violinist
  6. Pianist
  7. Ukulelist
  8. A wife and mother.

I’ve done a lot of these things as a child or in lessons, but I haven’t continued to pursue them,  So here’s my plan:

Now

  1.  Make cooking healthy food a number one priority by using Lisa Leake’s 100 Days of Real Food Challenge cookbook and blog.
  2. Continue writing this blog and continue jotting book ideas in my notes.

Soon

  1.  Pick up the Ukulele in June and continue lessons online.
  2. Start piano lessons again this fall.  Schedule an in-home concert to invite family and friends so that I have a goal to work towards finishing 3-5 pieces.
  3. Purchase a very nice camera.   Read books, blogs and find lessons.

Next 1-2 years

  1.  Be a wife and mother.  (just kidding 😉 )
  2. Find a pottery studio and get back on that potters wheel- I feel home there.

Next 3-5 years

  1.  Buy a violin and start taking lessons

Next 5-10 years

  1.  Write a book.

It’s time to shut that negative self-talk down.  It’s time to stop fearing failure.  It’s time to not just tell my daughters they can dream big, but to show them how their own mommy makes it a reality.

It’s time to stop taking each day for granted.

Today is a fresh start, as is tomorrow.

So turn over that leaf.  Write down your list.  And join me as we get busy living.

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Abandoned

YR8A6936-Edit-cvaughan.jpgConfused.  Devastated.  Lost.  Like a family dog, unexpectedly dropped off on the side of the road, I have felt abandoned.  Have you?

Miscommunications, misunderstandings or obstacles too difficult to overcome for the other party to continue a relationship- all circumstances that lead to a burned bridge.

It’s tragic.  It leaves you grasping for answers.

In an effort to empathize with the other person, I work hard to understand it from their point-of-view.  Why did they feel the need to cut ties?  What responsibility do I have in their decision?

Sometimes I am able to find fault in myself and other times I am left utterly perplexed and sad.

Which begs the question- what comes next?  What do we do with our abandonment?

We can wallow, we can point fingers, we can get angry, we can get back.  Or . . . we can lick our wounds and move on.

Our hearts are broken- the wound so fresh, so deep it seems unimaginable that it could ever heal.

But we patch it by surrounding ourselves with those who do love us.  Those who do support us.  We ask God for forgiveness and we wish those who abandoned us all the best.  We seek grace.

We take time.  We guard our hearts a little more.  For a time, we feel fragile but eventually, we fortify it with love- from others and for others.

I am hurting.  Deeply.

I will take time to mourn this loss.

And then I will look to you, my friends, my family, my supporters, to help me heal with your love, laughter and your openness to let me do the same for you.

To anyone that is hurting too:

I am holding your hand.  You are loved. You are supported.  You matter.

 

Camille Vaughan Photography

 

Time

In all our 21st century inventions, it’s the one thing that has continued to evade us- the thing we cannot recreate, erase or prolong.  It’s immeasurable and invaluable- and somehow, we never feel that we have enough.

Time.

“Look at them,”  My father says as he watches my eldest daughters roll the ball down his billiard table while the youngest pulls every book off of his bookshelf.  “It doesn’t matter how many times you have seen this.  It’s incredible.  I just wish I could know them when they are 26, 28, getting married, having babies of their own.”

Anyone looking in would agree that my 85 year-old father has lived a complete and fulfilling life.  Five children, 10 grandchildren and two great-grandaughters – all healthy.  I envy his reign and only hope I can follow in his footsteps.

And yet as precious as time is, how unbelievable is it that we waste it on jobs we hate, partners we know are not good for us, choices we know are not right?  It’s as if we falsely assume their will be time for better decisions later . . .

Time has never seemed more precious to me than when I am on an airplane.  For whatever reason, it terrifies me and I am left wanting more time.  I want to be present for my daughters as they age- I want to witness their growth and change.  I want time to fish and hike with my husband and time to read on my own.

But even when you’ve had 85 years full of health and mostly happy memories, you still are left wanting and wondering what, if anything, comes after our time here on Earth.  What yet do we not understand?

All we know for sure of our life on Earth is now.  Our current time.  Are we appreciating it?  Reveling in it?  Not waiting for something better?  Making “the most” of it?

We must.  For anything less . . . is a waste of time.

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