Mindfulness

My friend Harper recently came to visit. 

She’s single, doesn’t have children and lives alone in a great apartment in Brooklyn, NY. 

I admit, sometimes I dream of switching places. To eat at restaurants frequently. To have a well-paid professional career. To do whatever I feel like doing during my free time without others dictating the limitations. 

But my husband and I have been having conversations about the Buddhist principal: Want What You Have. 

Instead of “I have to take the kids to gymnastics.” It’s, “I get to take the kids to gymnastics.” It’s a simple word change but it’s latent with meaning: I’m lucky enough to have children. My children are fortunate to have a body that can perform gymnastics. I can afford a car to drive them and so much more. 

So the other night, after I cooked dinner and set it on the table to a critical crowd, “Ew! I hate chicken.” “Mom, if I eat that I’m going to choke.” Emmett looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and said, “But Lauren, you GET to cook them dinner.” 

We both burst into a fit of laughter. 

Because as grateful as we are for this life we’ve created together, as much as we do want what we have, we also recognize that it’s not always easy. It’s a constant juggling of his needs, my needs, their needs and our needs, as a family.

I allow myself to daydream of takeout, uninterrupted movies, and a wide-open schedule while simultaneously practicing mindfulness. Taking a moment to enjoy my surroundings- be it our front yard, the beach, or our rowdy kitchen table. I know these are “the days” and I GET to be their mom. I want what I have. 

But I’m still going to visit Harper in New York and practice mindfulness there, too. 

Unstoppable

Don’t doubt me. 

Don’t you for a second Count. Me. Out. 

You only fuel my drive to prove you wrong. 

So lives the soul of my second daughter. 

Walking at 11 months, this child has been intent on besting her big sister from the start.

She has had something to prove since she was born.

She puts in the work and shames those who don’t. 

Harper has a drive I, her mother, envy. 

She wants it bad and she will do whatever it takes. 

Cautiously, I calm her intensity. 

Reminding her that she has an entire life, she cannot imagine, ahead of her. 

Yes, you can. 

No, you don’t HAVE to. 

You can, but you don’t HAVE to in order to survive. 

If you want it bad enough, there’s no doubt: its yours to claim. 

But never to prove anyone else. 

Only for yourself. 

You are unstoppable. 

Relevant

You prepare for the pregnancy, the birth, even the baby. 

Then, the child is revealed. 

She graduates towards adulthood as you wonder, 

Who was I before this and who am I still becoming?

Yes, I am a mother. 

But above and beyond that I am an intellect. 

Worthy of deep conversation and consideration. 

How do we procreate the next generation and still remain relevant?

My best friend Harper on our trip to Savannah, GA to celebrate my fortieth birthday.