Have you noticed?
I do not consider myself a “current’ person but if you are on any kind of social media these days you have witnessed Ryan Reynlod’s reaction to his wife Blake Lively’s dress transformation.
It’s straight out of one of his movies.
Moving. What dreams are made of.
The moment was magnificent. They are both extraordinarily beautiful, stunning people.
But what about the rest of us?
I vacuumed out my disgusting van while also prepping lunches, dinner and teacher gifts.
He mowed the lawn, took out the trash and fixed Harper’s fan.
And yet I did not stop dead in my tracks to ogle him.
Welcome to reality.
It’s not extraordinary or sexy.
It’s so completely normal that I am literally closing the stinky trash-can lid as I type.
But the fantasy has us.
And what’s wrong with that?
Because without fantasy, what have you?
It’s easier to dream than live.
Have you noticed?
I remember thinking, “No one taught me this.”
It began with the simplicity of taking notes.
I was a brand-new student at a Maryland boarding school.
We’d been asked to “take notes” on a couple of chapters.
I looked like a fish-out-of-water when an experienced junior came to my rescue and offered to teach me.
Her name was Pauli and she taught me how to highlight and write.
Fast-forward to meeting my future-husband and his mother, Betty.
She’d made a career as a homemaker.
I’d never known one.
I started taking notes.
How to cook, how to make a home feel like home.
Four children later, I’m still taking notes.
How to listen, how to heal.
No one taught me this.
But I’m forever learning.
Life in our home has been extremely stressful, lately.
And that’s saying a lot, considering the last four years with our youngest’s health issues.
When our Big Three returned to public school in January, we knew there would be a transition.
But I don’t think anyone could have fully prepared us for:
The sickness: after living in a bubble for two years, this was inevitable but Lord, it has been relentless.
The overwhelm: “7 hours?!” They lament. They are tired by day’s end and dreading the next.
The pressure: to perform, to make friends, to survive.
And yet, here we are. Just beyond the Ides of March. We are halfway there and I know we are going to make it after-all.
These have been trying months.
As much as I thought I would have “free time”, I have spent the last 2 months playing catch-up to all that I neglected while they were home the last two years.
My husband and I look at each other and realize,
There’s so much more to come.
So, we hold hands.
And jump in,
Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, a holiday dedicated to declaring love.
And what I want my girls to know
Is that love doesn’t come easy.
Their father and I make it look like it does,
But that is because we chose well.
We both had opportunities to choose otherwise;
But we waited.
We waited to find one another.
And they are the product of our love.
What I want my girls to know
Is that love SHOULD feel easy
Because when you choose well
Life taught me that nothing is ever certain, and yet this moment was that, for me.
The search was over.
I found my life partner.
I wanted to spend eternity with him. I wanted to make more of us. I wanted nothing short of a life of us together, forever.
And here he was, asking that of me.
I walked down that mountain with a step so free, I may as well have been bouncing between the clouds.
Us, forever and ever.
Yes! 1,000 times Yes!
I will spend forever with you.
He looked at me, as if noticing me for the first time again and remarked, “You’re strong.”
Me: . . . yea . . . 🙂
We want to freeze time.
Even go back and relive with new eyes.
But there’s a guarantee;
And that is,
Nothing ever stays the same.
So, what’s it going to be?
Oh, hey you.
You now working upstairs in our house with four children.
You who I fell madly in love with 13 years ago.
You who is walking right. with. me. Along our journey.
It ain’t always pretty.
And lately, with our youngest, it’s been downright ugly.
But there you are.
And here I am.
And we love just the same.
I knew that day we took our vows.
Baby, we are better together.
I spent a childhood, dreaming of a fairytale.
And I never settled.
And you know, what?
Neither did you.
Alone, we are great.
But baby, we are always better together.
In my dreams, I saw him all along.
He was kind and funny.
Simple and interesting.
He wasn’t intimidated by me; he could hold his own.
He was cultured but open.
Athletically competitive, but not to a fault.
He would make the best daddy ever and I knew it immediately.
His name was Emmett Carawan and he’s who I had been looking for all along.
Someone who would love me wholly.
Someone whom I could adore.
Someone I could live forever with and for.
His name is Emmett Carawan and today, we celebrate just 10 years of a lifetime of marriage together.
And I can see.
I sit on the edge of his side of our bed and rub his face.
I am here.
I will take care of you.
I love you.
And I support you.
Together, we will.
Together, my darling, always.