Parenting

Giving From The Heart

Posted on by Lauren

Print“In lieu of gifts, please bring donation items for the food pantry.”  When I recently received this note on an invitation for a five year-old’s birthday party my first reaction was, “That is so sweet.  What a great idea!”  My second reaction was, “Should I do this for my five year-old’s party, too?”

Lately, I’ve been in purge-mode.  Simplifying.  I want to spend less time picking up toys and more time playing with my children.

I’ve also been yearning to teach my daughter the true joy that comes from giving to those with needs, greater than our own.  But with a 1, 3 and 4 year-old in tow, time to grocery shop is hard to come by, let alone visits to nursing homes, food pantries, and homeless shelters.

This idea to accept donations in lieu of gifts seemed like the perfect solution.  I would prevent more stuff coming into the house and provide my daughter the opportunity to put other’s needs in front of her own.  This would be a great lesson not only for her but also for her friends!

Except that she didn’t want to do it.  “But I want to open presents, mommy!”  She’s been counting down the days to her birthday for the last 364 days and now I was encouraging her to forgo the gift-giving?  This was not exciting for her.  She seemed genuinely concerned about the kids that didn’t have a home but she still wanted presents for herself.  What is a mom to do?

I reached out to my friends on social media who provided a mountain of great advice.   I soon realized the following things:

  • The joy of giving is when it comes from the heart, not when you are forced to do so.
  • There is plenty of time in the future for me to get my children involved in volunteer work.  There’s no need to combine it with a birthday, unless my child is on-board.
  • As the oldest, Aurora has always had to share her things.  Something I had not considered when comparing her to the friend, who is an only child, that asked for food donations.
  • I should not compare my daughter to other children or myself to other mothers.  We all have different situations.
  • Implement a “new toy in, old toy out” rule.  Involve Aurora in selecting the toys to donate.
  • Many small actions can be more impactful than one single great action.  I can teach my children the joy of giving all year-long by continually donating our clothes, food, and toys.  We can participate in toy drives.  We can continue to pick up trash and do nice things for our neighbors, just because.  There are always teachable moments.

I want to continue to be mindful about the pressure I put on myself and the possibility of me transferring that pressure onto my child.  I don’t want to turn Aurora off from doing good-deeds because her “mom made her” when she was little.  I want her to give because it makes her feel good.  I want her to pray because she wants to talk to God, not because she fears the consequences of not doing so.  And I want her to enjoy the thrill of opening her birthday gifts, free of guilt.

In my excitement to turn Aurora’s birthday into a charitable operation, I found an incredible organization.  It’s called “Project Night Night”.  I was going to order bags from this charity and ask Aurora’s friend’s to bring a new or gently used stuffed animal, blanket and book to her party.  After the activities of the day, we would all sit down and stuff the bags to give to children in nearby shelters.

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Although I don’t think we are going to do this any longer for her birthday, I think I might still organize an opportunity for us to do this with some friends.  That way she can still receive gifts and we can still give to those in need.  In other words, we can all have her cake and eat it, too 🙂

For more information about Project Night Night, click here: www.projectnightnight.org 

 

 

Foresight

Posted on by Lauren

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“Enjoy this phase while it lasts because you’ll miss it one day.”  How many times have you heard that phrase in your lifetime?  How many times have you found that to be true?  Hindsight is 20/20 so how do we appreciate the present and live without regrets? Continue reading →

A Year in the Making

Posted on by Lauren

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Phew.  That is me exhaling.  We made it.  And Lawd, it wasn’t easy or always pretty.  But when I look back at a year of photographs I realize just how *supremely* blessed we truly are.  Why is hindsight always 20/20?  Why can’t we appreciate what we have while we still have it? Continue reading →

Emma Jane Turns ONE!

Posted on by Lauren

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I’m crying.  Partially because my littlest baby will be ONE on Thanksgiving this year and also because I survived.  I made it an entire year staying-at-home with a then newborn, 2 & 3 year-old and now 1, 3 and 4 year-old.  Looking back at photos, it seems so fast.  Remembering it for what it was, it feels like it took an eternity to get here.  And yet here we are, and here is what we have learned: Continue reading →

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Posted on by Lauren

Why does it always seem that as soon as you start to feel ahead, something changes and you find yourself once again treading water?  It’s demoralizing and often leaves me desperate with thoughts of throwing-in-the-towel because “what’s the point?” Continue reading →

Not Today

Posted on by Lauren

It’s everything I ever wanted:  three beautiful, healthy children and the opportunity to stay-at-home to raise them. But I’ve been doing this for four years straight and I am so tired.  As selfish and ungrateful as this sounds, today I don’t want to do this anymore.   And yet, I have no choice.  Or, do I?

Have you ever worked hard on something and later felt guilty anytime you resented it?  Perhaps it was getting through school to get the job you thought you always wanted or maybe it was caring for someone in your family- someone sick or frail.  And when you are at that job or at the hospital, you know it is where you are supposed to be and yet, you feel tired.  And you think, “Not today.  I just don’t want to do this today.”

But there’s no one to take your place.  There’s no substitute for you.  And you feel trapped. You need the job to pay for the things you own or the person you are caring for truly needs you by their side as they battle whatever it is that is ailing them.

Today,  the two and four year-old argued so loudly they woke the baby.  I knew I wouldn’t get another break from her for at least three hours and I felt the despair setting in.  I called my sister and lamented that as much as I didn’t want to do this, I had no choice.  We chose to have three children back-to-back and now, here we are.

But as I said it, I could hear my devil’s advocate chiming in.  “You do have a choice, Lauren.  You can put them in daycare.”  The thing is, I don’t want to put them in daycare and in deciding that, I have made a choice.  I chose to have them.  I am actively choosing to stay home with them.

You chose to have the things you need that job to pay for- a home, an education, a car, the things you purchased on your credit card.  You choose to be the person at your loved one’s bedside.  Sure, you could choose to leave them, but would you?  No, you wouldn’t.  You choose not to.

By tweaking the way we perceive our hardships, we are more-able to handle them.  After the baby woke, I went for a brisk run.  I burned off the stress, I released my exasperation so that I could jump back into the ring.

I felt trapped until I remembered I chose this life and I continue to choose it every day that I stay home.

I love my children, I do.  But I’m tired.  And today, I didn’t want to do this anymore.  Still, I found peace in the realization of my choice to stay.  I hope, you, too, find peace in yours.

 

Photo by Camille Vaughan Photography

 

 

 

Going with Your Gut

Posted on by Lauren

You know what I am talking about.  It’s not just the voice inside your head, it’s that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.  Your gut, your intuition, something almost palpable.  Whether we like it or not, we tend to feel more “balanced” when we go with our gut.  Unfortunately, we don’t always like what it is telling us, which leads us to put our blinders on to the blaring red flags, leaving us feeling inharmonious.  Today, I went with my gut.  Today, I pulled Harper out of school after just one day.   Continue reading →

Love to You

Image posted on by Lauren

Swinging, strolling, playing, nursing.  None of it has worked.  It is 9 PM and you should have been asleep two hours ago.  Instead, you are awake and crying when placed in your crib.  What is a mom, to do?

You had me up at midnight and 5 a.m.  Your sisters, collectively, woke me at 1, 2 and 4 a.m.  I haven’t slept in years.

After all of the trying, the rocking, the swaying, it dawns on me just what you need.  It’s so simple, why didn’t I think of it all along?

My energy changes.  I lay you on your tummy.  You fight.  I place my gentle hands upon your back.  Your head.  You settle.

I caress the soft skin on your sweet, little chubby arm and you lift it begging me to continue.  So I do.  I channel all the love I have for you through the end of my fingertips.  I calm and so do you.

We’ve been connected since the beginning and we always will be.

I set aside my exhaustion, my frustration and I send my love to you.

I slowly stop moving, resting my full palm upon your body.  A fingertip.  Hovering.

I’ve waited all of this time for you to sleep and yet I pause to marvel at your perfection before shutting your door, leaving my energy safely enclosed so that you feel safe.  Secure.

All my love, to you.

 

Faith

Image posted on by Lauren

It took three attempts for me to succeed in having an unmedicated childbirth.  I attended nearly 70 hours of childbirth classes before my first baby, read countless books, and spent many-a-night role-playing labor with my husband before falling asleep to my hypnobirthing CDs.  The message was clear:  LET GO.  Succumb to the pain instead of fighting it.  Relax even when your body instinctually clenches.  Unless you have been in labor, you have absolutely no idea how impossible that seems when you are experiencing gut-wrenching pain.  By the third labor, I knew what to do and my unmedicated birth was everything I had hoped it would be: raw emotion that cannot be imitated.

Unmedicated childbirth isn’t just about “proving you can do it.”  Sure, you feel proud, just as a marathon runner does after her grueling race, but at its core, unmedicated childbirth inherently embraces FAITH.  Faith in our bodies to do what they were designed to do and faith in our resolve to see it through.  Unmedicated childbirth celebrates the beauty of nature.  As miserable as she may feel, a pregnant woman cannot deny the miracle of feeling tiny little feet responding to a hand on the belly.  It truly is a miracle.

What I did not expect was how my experience would permeate into other parts of my life, long after the birth was over.  This notion of embracing nature- of having faith – of being fearless.  Just as labor has the opportunity to progress smoothly once the mother lets go, so does life.

So I have decided to let go.

As a result of my experience with unmedicated childbirth, I no longer fear letting go of toxic relationships, for I know that fear was the only thing that kept me in them in the first place.

As a result of my unmedicated childbirth, I am not concerned with using my “things” – my house, my car, my clothes, my jewelry- to show my worth, for my value lies underneath the surface of my skin, in the chambers of my heart and the core of my soul.

As a result of my unmedicated childbirth, I am not afraid of aging.  In fact, I embrace it.  My wrinkles represent my time; the more I have, the luckier I feel to have lived long enough to display them.

And as a result of my unmedicated childbirth, I believe in myself.

I am capable.  I am worthy.  I am humbled.

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