Author: Lauren

Homebody

Posted on by Lauren

“Take a day, babe.  Get out of the house because I can’t do anything with them when you’re around.  They only want you when they see you.”

My husband was right but where would I go?  After a week of very little sleep, I’m exhausted.   And to be honest, all I really want to do is stay home.

But with a high of 40 degrees and a 1, 3 and 5 year-old in tow, kicking my husband out of the house left him with limited options.

“I’ve got some errands to run- I’ll take them with me.”

Music to my ears, but how long would I have?  I didn’t care.  I parked my rear on the recliner and watched a tv show for 30 minutes before starting dinner and calling my mom.

She lives only five minutes away and comes over to play with the kids twice a week but we spoke for over an hour- because we could without distraction.  It. Was. Amazing.

I folded a gargantuan pile of laundry, chatted with a few friends and sat down to write this article.  Not an incredibly momentous day, but after 3 hours alone, I felt renewed.

In my heart of hearts, I am a homebody.  These days, however, I never get to be home alone.  I miss the one-bedroom apartment I had to myself on the third floor of a 100 year-old house right after college.  I ate, slept and woke when I wanted and after years of roommates throughout boarding school and college, I finally didn’t have to share a thing.

My husband returned with a screaming three-year-old in tow.  She was mad he was returning a movie we rented- in other words, the world had just ended.  For a moment, it felt like the afternoon was a wash, but once we had her tucked in to bed, I reflected on my afternoon with gratitude.

A break from the daily chaos in the comfort of my own home.  Silence.  Solitude.

I sure do miss that old apartment.

But never enough to trade it for this house full of noise and love.

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Pause

Posted on by Lauren

Refresh the water cups, pull back the covers, turn on the night-light.  In the midst of my nightly bedtime routine, I stop dead in my tracks and look around.  I take in the trinkets, the treasures, the brightly colored toys and the marks on the walls as if I am seeing it all for the first time.

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Lately, I’ve been listening.  Everyone tells me to enjoy this phase while it lasts because in the blink-of-an-eye, it will be gone and I will wonder where all of the time went.  It’s just so easy to get distracted in the day-to-day rush and to miss the gradual evolution of our children.  Board books become picture books then chapter books.  Doll babies become barbies and diapers become underwear.

I kneel down on the ground and look around the room from their perspective.  I can see inside the tiny oven but am in awe of how large the bed appears.  In a decade, surely they’ll feel it is too small for them.

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I want to freeze this moment.  I close my eyes and thank God for these children.  For the opportunity to be their mother, for this life I have been granted.  I am overwhelmed with a deep sense of gratitude for the tiny teacups, the stuffed animals, and for those God-forsaken barbie shoes I always seem to step on in my bare feet.

I will remind myself to do this more often.  To appreciate the perfect imperfections of our daily lives for the days may seem long now, but soon I will wish for them back.  And I don’t want to regret not taking a moment to pause and marvel at these miracles we’ve created.

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Finding Your Lobster

Posted on by Lauren

That kind of love doesn’t really exist.  It’s all a dream, a movie, a flash in the pan.  It won’t last, you’ll see.

Heartache and heartbreaks.  They teach us disbelief.  We’ve been let down before so best not to get our hopes up again.

And yet, somehow, even in the midst of grief, there’s a tiny part of us that still believes.  We are scared and guarded, but still hopeful.

When you grow up with divorced parents or parents who have been physically but not emotionally together; When you have witnessed or been a victim of physical or emotional abuse, it’s hard to still believe.

And when you’ve seen another couple work and have yet to find your own lobster, you wonder if that couple was just “one-in-a-million”.  Like winning the lottery.  Possible, but not probable.

I remember waiting on his roommate’s couch for him to return from a wedding.  We had only been dating a week but had yet to spend a day apart.  It was a whirlwind romance and I was excited but scared.  His roommate hid my car keys as a way to encourage me to wait and I was secretly grateful to use that as an excuse.  The truth was, I wanted to wait.  I wanted to believe that what we had was what I had been waiting my whole life for.

But since we had both recently ended serious relationships, neither of us felt ready to jump into another.

He walked in the door and I hid my face in the pillows.  Embarrassed I had made myself so vulnerable.  Now he knew.

He pulled me towards him and explained he had been counting down the minutes to get back to me.  I cracked a smile and so did he.  We hugged, we kissed and 10 years later, here we still are.

My valentine.  My real-life romance.  The champion of my heart.  The one who brings out the best in me.  The one I will never doubt.  The one I will grow old with.  Everything I had ever hoped for.  My husband.  My lobster.  My Emmett.

Happy Valentine’s My Love.

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First photo by Dee Akright Photography

Labels

Posted on by Lauren

“I’m not disciplined.”  I explained.  To them, to myself.  Over and over I’ve labeled myself as someone “undisciplined” when it comes to working out on my own.  I’ve always found comfort in taking a class with an instructor that tells me what to do.  I can’t make myself do 20 burpees but I sure can follow an order.  Or can I?

I arrived at the neighborhood park this morning, cutting my run short because I was a) gasping for breath after only 4 minutes and b) knew my kids wanted to play.  For the first time, I thought of one of my friends, a mother of four, who uses the park equipment to workout, effectively killing two birds with one stone- the kids play while mom works out.  Win-win, except I’ve always told myself I could never make myself do that.  I wouldn’t know which exercises to do and am generally just too lazy and unmotivated to make myself move.

But here I was, in my workout gear after cutting my run about 15 minutes short.  What harm would a couple of burpees do?  So I did 10 of them.  Followed by 10 broad jumps with the 3 year-old, who saw and joined me.  Squat jumps, walking lunges and push ups- I worked up a sweat and I thought, “Damn.  Maybe I can do this.”

In that moment, I realized I had labeled myself “undisciplined” as a subconscious way of excusing myself from ever even trying.  And it caused me to wonder, how many times are we guilty of doing this in all other aspects of our lives?  How many times are we quitting before ever trying?  Is it a fear of the unknown?  Of failure?

I challenged myself to think of all the other labels I’ve placed upon myself.  We label ourselves fat, lazy, the middle child, unlovable, depressed, not good-enough or perhaps too-good, too-smart, too-risky.  And while there may be some truth in these labels, there comes a point when we must ask, “Are we identifying the label or is it defining us?”

It’s true.  I’m a bit lazy when it comes to working out on my own but that doesn’t mean I always have to be, just because it’s the way I’ve been in the past.

New Leaf Parenting.  Every Day is a Fresh Start.

Today was a new day for me.  Today I coached myself and it felt gratifying to know that I can.  I can, so long as I toss aside that label, turn over a new leaf and get busy defining my reality on my own, new terms.

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Giving From The Heart

Posted on by Lauren

Print“In lieu of gifts, please bring donation items for the food pantry.”  When I recently received this note on an invitation for a five year-old’s birthday party my first reaction was, “That is so sweet.  What a great idea!”  My second reaction was, “Should I do this for my five year-old’s party, too?”

Lately, I’ve been in purge-mode.  Simplifying.  I want to spend less time picking up toys and more time playing with my children.

I’ve also been yearning to teach my daughter the true joy that comes from giving to those with needs, greater than our own.  But with a 1, 3 and 4 year-old in tow, time to grocery shop is hard to come by, let alone visits to nursing homes, food pantries, and homeless shelters.

This idea to accept donations in lieu of gifts seemed like the perfect solution.  I would prevent more stuff coming into the house and provide my daughter the opportunity to put other’s needs in front of her own.  This would be a great lesson not only for her but also for her friends!

Except that she didn’t want to do it.  “But I want to open presents, mommy!”  She’s been counting down the days to her birthday for the last 364 days and now I was encouraging her to forgo the gift-giving?  This was not exciting for her.  She seemed genuinely concerned about the kids that didn’t have a home but she still wanted presents for herself.  What is a mom to do?

I reached out to my friends on social media who provided a mountain of great advice.   I soon realized the following things:

  • The joy of giving is when it comes from the heart, not when you are forced to do so.
  • There is plenty of time in the future for me to get my children involved in volunteer work.  There’s no need to combine it with a birthday, unless my child is on-board.
  • As the oldest, Aurora has always had to share her things.  Something I had not considered when comparing her to the friend, who is an only child, that asked for food donations.
  • I should not compare my daughter to other children or myself to other mothers.  We all have different situations.
  • Implement a “new toy in, old toy out” rule.  Involve Aurora in selecting the toys to donate.
  • Many small actions can be more impactful than one single great action.  I can teach my children the joy of giving all year-long by continually donating our clothes, food, and toys.  We can participate in toy drives.  We can continue to pick up trash and do nice things for our neighbors, just because.  There are always teachable moments.

I want to continue to be mindful about the pressure I put on myself and the possibility of me transferring that pressure onto my child.  I don’t want to turn Aurora off from doing good-deeds because her “mom made her” when she was little.  I want her to give because it makes her feel good.  I want her to pray because she wants to talk to God, not because she fears the consequences of not doing so.  And I want her to enjoy the thrill of opening her birthday gifts, free of guilt.

In my excitement to turn Aurora’s birthday into a charitable operation, I found an incredible organization.  It’s called “Project Night Night”.  I was going to order bags from this charity and ask Aurora’s friend’s to bring a new or gently used stuffed animal, blanket and book to her party.  After the activities of the day, we would all sit down and stuff the bags to give to children in nearby shelters.

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Although I don’t think we are going to do this any longer for her birthday, I think I might still organize an opportunity for us to do this with some friends.  That way she can still receive gifts and we can still give to those in need.  In other words, we can all have her cake and eat it, too 🙂

For more information about Project Night Night, click here: www.projectnightnight.org 

 

 

Everything We Need

Posted on by Lauren

Buyer’s remorse- a complex emotion beginning with a want, followed by a brief justification, rush of adrenaline and ultimately an overwhelming feeling of guilt.  So why do we continue to buy?  What void are we trying to fill? Continue reading →

Reading the Signposts

Posted on by Lauren

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Nearly a decade ago, my husband and I hiked ten miles down to the bottom of the Grand Canyon to visit Havasu Falls.  This is an incredibly vast and remote stretch of desert; a place people have died after taking the wrong turn.  Needless to say, we made sure to keep our eyes open for the trail markers to lead us down the right path.

Continue reading →

Just the Way You Are

Posted on by Lauren

 

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I have had something weighing heavy on my heart but it didn’t all come together for me until I crawled into bed tonight and had to crawl back out to write this article.  This post is likely going to cause some friends to unfriend or unfollow me but in the end, it’s not my intention to criticize, rather to scream from the rooftops.

WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH.

I was in direct sales for four years.  It allowed me to build my own schedule and work from home while raising my daughters.  It gave me financial freedom.  I quit once it became too much to be both a full-time mom and part-time consultant.  I’ve had to give up many creature comforts as a result, but I am fortunate enough to have a husband that earns enough and a family that supports us enough that we can survive on one-income.  That is not the case for many others, which is why direct-sales truly offers the best of both worlds.

Having said that, my newsfeed is FILLED with my friends in direct-sales.  I am so happy that it has given them an unexpected career path, providing support, goals, and money along the way.  I know how truly joyful it feels to succeed in that business.

But when I am constantly confronted with photos of how I can trim fat off of my body or improve the wrinkles on my face, I am left wondering “Am I good enough?”

I recognize we all likely have room for improvement.  I have a growth-focused mindset, love learning and am always open to learning a new perspective.  I respect the desire to feel good about yourself and I am happy for those that found success after they received that push they needed in the right direction.

The fact of the matter is, I feel pressure to continually look younger and fitter.  I enjoy fitness for the natural high it gives me, the personal satisfaction of having done it and the health benefits.  Sure I like looking cute in a dress, but with three daughters at home, I certainly don’t obsess about it.  I had major body issues as a teenager and fought hard to recognize that my personal worth was much more than the size of my waist.  And I don’t want my girls to see their mommy worrying about such things.  I DO want them to see me exercise, but I don’t want it to become something they constantly worry about whether they are “keeping up” as they age.  I want it to be a healthy part of life- not about achieving a certain “look”.

The same goes for my face.  Y’all.  I’m aging.  Some of us do it more gracefully than others.  And yes, it can be hard to look in the mirror and see some extra lines that didn’t used to be there.  And yes, I realize there are SUPER effective regimens out there that will decrease the appearance of these lines but dammit- I DON’T WANT TO.  I don’t want to wash my face twice a day (I never have as gross as that may be for some to read) but what’s more, I don’t want to focus on turning back the hand of time.

Each year that I age means another year I’ve been fortunate to live on this Earth.  I’m not trying to sound poetic, I’m just being real.

Lately, I’ve started an open dialogue with my oldest.  I realized, too late, how much I am the cause of her obsession with princesses because I gave her the tools- the movies, the dolls, the performances.  Now, I am doing damage control, talking to her about true beauty- that it comes from the inside.  That you can’t put a pretty dress on the witch in Snow White and make her beautiful.  That kindness is what makes somebody beautiful.  But it’s a hard sell when all she has ever known as role models have been ageless beauties.

I want her to see a mom who ages gracefully.  I don’t mind using some wrinkle creams here and there or some makeup when I want to look especially nice.  But my husband fell in love with a girl on the beach, with no makeup.  When I asked him to buy me a perfume for Christmas he told me it would be a bottle of sunscreen because that’s what he loves.  He loves the memory of us on that beach.  He loves me unfiltered.  And I do, too.

My friends who are ruling their businesses. . . I am so happy for you to find that purpose and success.  I know for some customers, it has been absolutely life-changing and I celebrate that with you.

It’s just hard when I have SO MANY friends who are involved.  Rather than seeing one post a day or every few days, I am literally bombarded with over 20 posts a day of before and after photos- of pounds lost, of lashes lengthened and faces “improved”.

So for those of you who feel the same as I do, I want to hold your hand and remind you that you are good enough, just the way you are.  If you feel inspired and want to improve the clarity of your face and the tone of your body, I have many wonderful friends that can get you on the right track.  And if you are comfortable with where you are, I say cheers to you.  So am I.

 

See this article on Scary Mommy!

http://www.scarymommy.com/body-image-feel-good-enough/

 

Foresight

Posted on by Lauren

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“Enjoy this phase while it lasts because you’ll miss it one day.”  How many times have you heard that phrase in your lifetime?  How many times have you found that to be true?  Hindsight is 20/20 so how do we appreciate the present and live without regrets? Continue reading →

Denial

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Is it your weight?  Is it the job you spent a fortune getting a degree(s) in but that causes you a lifetime of stress and sleepless nights?  Is it an addiction of alcohol, nicotine, drugs, shopping, or starbucks?  Infidelity?  Credit card debt?  Hoarding?  A lie?  The wrong relationship- not necessarily a bad one but one that you know deep-down is not the right one for you for whatever reason?  Is it a conversation you’ve been avoiding with a relative, spouse or friend?  Is it regret?

Denial.  You don’t want to read further because you don’t feel ready to face the truth and reading about denial might help you recognize that which you are avoiding.  It makes your heart race.  It makes you sweat.  It might make you cry.  It’s too overwhelming.  It’s too big to tackle.  You aren’t ready and you aren’t sure when or if you ever will be.

Here’s the thing, though; admitting it is actually one of the hardest steps so once you’ve conquered that, you’re already on your way. Continue reading →