Not for you.
Not in place of you.
With you.
My eldest is entering her tween years and as much as I want to save her from the harrows that lie ahead,
I recognize,
It’s her journey
I’ve already lived mine.
I wish I could change the hands of some times,
But they’ve led me to this moment, right now.
The time I let go and witness.
Not for me.
Not in place of me.
With me.
Us.
It’s that moment no one wants to admit.
The one where you know you wanted it more than them.
I could argue I spent my entire childhood in this state.
The one where I was the bastard child, and they were the full-blood.
The one where I was lucky he wanted to keep in touch with me.
Yes, in my child’s mind, I had to be worthy.
And it never left me.
I’ve lived a life proving myself worthy.
And you know what?
I’m tired.
I’m too tired.
I. am. worthy.
If you want me, then meet me halfway.
I’m worthy.
I feel the same, little girl.
You can touch him.
He’s real.
He’s not just the man of your dreams.
He’s your daddy.
And I chose him just for you.
He will show up.
He will know your favorite color.
He will teach you how to fish and how to garden and pass a ball.
He will tell you he loves you and even better,
He’ll show it.
He’s a good, hard-working man.
And he’s your daddy.
A solution is what we seek. Diagnose the condition, and prescribe the cure. Black and white. Case closed. A temporary disturbance, a minor annoyance in the grand scheme but please, not this. Not a problem that has no “fix”. Continue reading
New Leaf Parenting 