I spent the better part of my thirties examining my past to better understand my present.
Now in my forties, I feel like I’ve got a solid understanding of how I came to be who I am.
I understand that while I will never be able to fill the gaps for that lonely, lost little girl of my past, I sure can provide my own girls with a solid foundation.
And instead of wallowing in what happened, I can forgive myself for my missteps, buckle up my shoes and keep walking, eyes forward.
My childhood friends and I always mimicked my mom’s “You have a choice, Lauren.” speech. But my mom gets the final laugh because, she was right!
There are always going to be people we’d rather not be around or challenging, unavoidable life events.
We can’t choose those people or those events but we can choose how we handle them.
It’s how we respond that matters.
I have quite a few friends enduring some major life changes this holiday season- deaths of loved ones, divorce and general heartache.
To them and to all of you reading, I reach out my hand to hold yours and to remind you that in this holy season, you can also put those hands together in prayer to ask for God’s help.
You’re not alone.
We never are.
That’s one choice we can’t make.
Wishing you love, peace and joy this holiday season.
Saturday, November 30th is officially my 6 months sober date but I’m not superstitious about announcing it early because I have no doubt I’ll make it.
I plan to share my full testimony on my one-year anniversary but for now, I’ll say this:
I’ve been liberated.
Alcohol stole my time and health while fooling me into believing it was my deserving escape.
I don’t look back because it’s a place I never want to return to.
I frolic forward, free from its tight embrace, stronger and more sound-of-mind than ever.
If you’re reading this and on the fence, I just want to tell you, I’m here holding your hand if you need one.
But what if you can.
“But What if You Can?” is from the book, The Whatif Monster. He’s a character created by author Michelle Nelson-Schmidt whose empowering children’s books about overcoming fear have not only impacted my children’s lives, but mine, too. Check her out: https://www.facebook.com/MNScreative/
A day of rest guarantees a day’s worth of extra work for the future.
Never was this any clearer than when Elizabeth was six months old.
My body had given up.
I had spent the summer with all four girls at home while Emmett was at work.
They were ages 6, 4, 2 and newborn.
Elizabeth was “failure-to-thrive”. Not gaining weight, vomiting and crying constantly with eczema covering her body and we couldn’t figure out why.
I was down twenty pounds, eliminating foods in a desperate attempt to continue breast feeding my last baby, only to find out later that the avocado I was surviving on was one of her FPIES (Food Protein-Induced Entercolitis) triggers.
My back completely gave out and I was incapacitated in a chair watching friends and family trying to substitute for me: Laundry, meals, diapers, playtime, housework.
It was laughable to think I had attempted to manage all of that on my own.
I finally agreed to hire the help my husband had been encouraging me to get for months.
I felt foolish staying at home and hiring someone to help complete my unpaid job but once she arrived, I was free to be a more present mother and enjoy my children rather than just survive them.
Six years have passed and the nanny days are long over but mothering isn’t and I’m realizing, never will be.
What happens when mom gets sick?
It’s a lonely feeling.
As a mom, I’m always anticipating my family’s needs but when sick, I’m still having to direct the show from bed. Appointment reminders, meal tips, boo-boo kisses and bedtime tuck-ins.
Things only a mom knows of her own kids.
I suppose that is what led me to pray to my heavenly father tonight.
To ask him to take care of me when I’m feeling overwhelmed and neglected.
No, there are no sick days for mothers.
But it’s nice to know there’s someone always ready to embrace me.
New Leaf Parenting 