Life

Matter

Posted on by Lauren

I am not a winning Coach.

The loss this weekend shattered me when, with good intention, my husband commented of the other team, “They were coached well.” 

They were. It was the God’s-to-honest truth. 

Their coach was intentional, level-minded and strategic. 

His girls performed to his expectations without much fanfare. 

Meanwhile, I’m looking my worst player in her eyes and telling her I see her. 

I see her insecurities, worry and anxiety. 

I know she doesn’t feel good enough and at the end of the day, I want her to feel, she’s more than good-enough. She’s her best. 

It’s me. 

I see me. 

I was never good enough and all I ever wanted was for someone to tell me I was.

I am not a winning coach. 

But to someone, I matter. 

They matter.

Listen

Posted on by Lauren

“You’re not LISTENING to me!” she exclaimed. 

The light switch went off. 

I remember feeling that way, too, when I was her age. 

Misunderstood.

Her father and I reviewed our game plan and saw no error. 

And yet, that’s the funny thing about plans. 

They’re just that. 

Plans. 

We had good intentions. 

But so is the path to hell. 

I showed my hands. 

“Ok.”  I said. 

“Really?” she replied, in disbelief. 

“Yea. We’re just here to support you.” 

And maybe that’s all we ever need to hear. 

Camille Vaughan Photography

Home

Posted on by Lauren

Happy New Year, my darling. 

You know I’ve always been your number one fan. 

It’s never changed. 

It never will. 

I picked well. 

I also forced you to read a Dr. Phil book and face your past before committing to a future with me. 

We are 10 years apart in age but I’d been through enough to know you had to know yourself before loving someone else. 

And here we are, 16+ years and four kids later. 

Still learning, still growing but forever and always, loving. 

We are exhausted and committed to one another and to our family. 

And honestly, 

I burst into tears during our vows because I knew

I had found home. 

There’s nothing better than that. 

You, my home. 

Dee Akright Photography

Dangerous Woman

Posted on by Lauren

A dangerous woman.

“I’m not going to lie to you. It’s a little dangerous to live a life in which you do what you want to do, behave in a way that feels authentic, pay attention to things you find of interest, and direct your passions in any way you see fit. You are now a woman who can’t be controlled by mass media and consumer culture. Congratulations, sister.”- Karbo

A dangerous woman, indeed. 

It has taken my entire life and the help of this book to become the woman I am today, but I guess that’s the point. There’s no substitute for experience.

I’ve learned to let go of the woulda, coulda shouldas and instead, focus on the here and now. 

Instead of regret, I channel my energy into encouraging my daughters to embrace their unique selves, while still pursuing my own. 

I wake. 

Karbo, Karen. Yea, No. Not Happening. How I found Happiness Swearing Off Self Improvement and Saying F*ck it All- and How You Can Too. 2020.

Camille Vaughan Photography

Three Words

Posted on by Lauren

It’s just three words so why are they the hardest to say aloud?

“I. Need. Help.”

Her teachers were shocked: “She is so happy and helpful in class. She has friends and is on honor roll. I never saw this coming.”

How many times have we heard this same story of surprise? 

At what point do we not wait until it becomes irreversible regret and start paying attention to the little signs?

Depression is not sudden. 

It’s gradual. 

We know this but we don’t want to label it so we look for other explanations. 

Meanwhile, they continue drowning.

Not my child. 

“But if I tell her what’s wrong, I’ll cry!” She laments. 

It’s better than crying in the bathroom, I remind her.

School therapists are like life guards; on the side ready to offer help when needed. 

Our struggles may be a part of our story but they don’t have to be the end.

But first, we must take the hardest, most important step. 

Admit that we are struggling and ask for help. 

It’s just three words.

Camille Vaughan Photography

Give

Posted on by Lauren

Gray stone surrounded the window pane I peeked through, as I noticed their breath that December night. 

At nine years old, I was a greeter; welcoming the homeless into our old church.

The line was long and I knew the inevitable was upon us; the moment we had to shut the door, ending the promise of a warm meal and pew.  

It broke my heart. 

I was introduced to a life of service at a very young age. 

My grandparents always brought me along to help serve “Meals on Wheels”, delivering hot meals to the elderly all over town.

I felt proud, knocking on the door and helping place the tray, all while noting my surroundings. 

We didn’t have a lot, I thought, but we had more than this. 

My parents always provided to those in need, even when it meant they went months without paychecks to provide for their small-business employees.

It was instilled in me that there were always those who had a greater need than our own.

At 17, I served in two orphanages for a month in Ghana.  

I’ve never forgotten it. 

The moment we shut the door. The moment I left and they stayed.

As we enter this season of giving,

I remember. 

I open my heart.

And I give. 

Thankless

Posted on by Lauren

Y’all. They cute but let’s be real. 

This is the most thankless job I’ve ever signed up for. 

I guess this is what the mid-life crisis is? When you’re too far to turn around and make a different choice?

I was almost a screenwriter. An actress. Famous.

Instead, I’m a mom. A coach. A teacher. A writer. 

Oh, wait. 

My life isn’t over just because I chose differently.

It’s different, yes. Richer, yes. Harder, yes. 

But I’m not done.  

I’m just getting started. 

This is the most thankless job I’ve ever signed up for. 

But I’ll be damned if I don’t embrace the choice I made and inspire children to follow their own dreams.  

Let’s be real. 

They cute, ya’ll. 

Camille Vaughan Photography

Story

Posted on by Lauren

I try. 

I keep trying to see that little face amongst the venom that spews from her mouth. 

But she’s not my little girl anymore. 

No, she is her own. 

And boy, does she have a lot to say. 

How do I tell her?

How can she know, I am the mother I never had?

Oh, but wait. 

This is her story, not mine. 

I was 30 hours into labor when my midwife dropped that truth bomb on me. 

“This is not your story, Lauren. It’s hers.”

Good God. 

Nice to know, now. 

I gave birth to a new human.  

Not a continuation. 

Instead, our contribution.  

We try. 

We listen. 

We recognize. 

She has a lot to say. 

This is her story. 

Not ours. 

Nice to know. 

Always. 

Camille Vaughan Photography

Love is Love

Posted on by Lauren

Subscribe to continue reading

Subscribe to get access to the rest of this post and other subscriber-only content.