Wrap me up.
Wrap me with your love.
Wrap
Life
Clear
I met him and it was clear, he wasn’t over somebody else.
I handed him a Dr. Phil book and explained, if you want to be with me, then:
Read and do this.
It took him a journal and a year, but damn if he didn’t do it.
Afterwards he looked at me and said, “I’ve learned more about myself while I’ve been with you than my entire life.”
Then, years later, I met the girl.
And I fell in love with her, too.
After all, we loved the same man.
So, it makes sense.
We started riding the Peloton together- two different states- texting every week to keep each other accountable.
And in the midst, an unlikely friendship grew.
Me and my husband’s ex-love.
Riding, motivating each other to be our very best self.
After all, we loved the same man.
So, it makes sense.
I met her and it was clear.
Just Like That
This one’s for all of my Empty Nesters out there.
You think you’re ready.
Joke as you “count down the days”.
And then,
Just like that,
They’re gone.
Mine aren’t off to college
But the youngest is off to preschool this fall.
And it’s been 10 years (and 199 days but who’s counting?)
Since I’ve been home alone.
Let me repeat that.
It’s been 10 and-a-half years since I’ve been home alone.
I imagine that I will begin that first day crying and then laughing hysterically while eating ice cream in broad daylight watching inappropriate shows on Netflix.
And on the second day . . . .
On that second day I am throwing myself a celebratory brunch because you know what?
I’ve earned it.
And so have you.
Take time to cry and then upon realizing that they will be just fine,
Celebrate.
Just like that.
Carry On
I walked in and explained that I’d held on to this gift certificate since Christmas. That I was in the midst of a family trauma and that I was here to relax and let some of that go.
What I didn’t expect was to burst into tears 45 minutes through, as my massage therapist pulled the energy from my muscles and flicked it away. As she summoned my breath and thanked me for feeling safe enough to let it go in that room, with her, a stranger.
But there we were. 2 strangers united at 9 AM. She, not knowing the trauma and still, meeting me there. Helping me to release.
We hugged, afterwards. After all, after weeping, what else is one to do?
And then we carried on. Her next client. My day with my daughters.
We release and we carry on.
Growing Pains
“Mommy, it hurts.”
I wish I could tell her that it stops.
But it never does.
Instead, they migrate from the bones to the heart.
From the physical to the emotional.
These growing pains.
Just when we think we’re done . . .
There they are.
To remind us that we aren’t yet done.
Growing, that is.
And when you think of it that way, it makes sense.
Perhaps instead of dreading
We should welcome the pains.
Peel back that layer
And discover what comes next . . .
Written while listening to Cover Bombs (Odesza Remix) by Nomadic Firs
Show Up
Here’s the thing about mental health:
No one knows what to do.
Instead, everyone waits for someone else to solve it.
Because it’s ugly.
There is no straightforward “treatment plan”.
When someone is in crisis, it’s scary.
What do I say? What do I not say?
How should I act?
And so we freeze and wait for someone else to solve it.
But when it’s between life and death,
What then?
Someone has to step up.
That’s what.
When everybody else waits, what are you going to do?
Are you going to wait?
Or are you going to show up?
Becoming
I realize, now, why it came so easily to me.
Because it was easier than living my truth.
Assign me a role.
Hand me the lines.
Anything but live. my. truth.
What was I so afraid of?
Oh, I know.
Fitting into a shattered family.
Don’t make waves.
Instead, belong.
What a sad, little girl I was.
And what a strong woman I am becoming.
Listener
Why didn’t anyone tell me this?
We spent K-12 in school learning the basics;
Yet, somehow they missed informing humans that
They. Are. Not. Done. Growing.
We set a magic number:
18.
As if then, we are released to the world, ready to tackle it on our own!
What in the actual world??
Some of us go on to college, graduate or doctorate school. . . .
And some don’t.
Then, what?
We magically become parents who know it all?
No, no, no.
The trickiest part of parenting for me is the revelation that I am growing right alongside with them.
Who knew?
We are never done learning.
There is no final exam.
Just as they have their epiphanies, I have mine- only wishing I had mine first so that I could have led my children all the wiser.
Is this what they meant when they said ‘Life is not a destination, but a journey.”?
Oh.
Perhaps, I should have been a better listener.
Me
Oh, how easy I am to leave
And yet, perhaps?
Impossible to forget.
Witness
Not for you.
Not in place of you.
With you.
My eldest is entering her tween years and as much as I want to save her from the harrows that lie ahead,
I recognize,
It’s her journey
I’ve already lived mine.
I wish I could change the hands of some times,
But they’ve led me to this moment, right now.
The time I let go and witness.
Not for me.
Not in place of me.
With me.
Us.
New Leaf Parenting 